There's a peculiar phenomenon in Australian workplaces where new managers - particularly women - adopt what I call 'apologetic leadership'.
You've seen it: 'Sorry to bother you, but would you mind terribly doing that report we discussed?' or 'I hate to be a pain, but could you possibly meet the deadline we agreed on last week?'
Here's the uncomfortable truth: when you apologise for managing, you're not being nice. You're undermining your authority and, frankly, confusing your team.
The Tall Poppy Paradox
We've all internalised the tall poppy syndrome, that uniquely Australian reflex to cut down anyone who seems too confident or authoritative.
But here's what no one tells you: when you're in a leadership role, being cut down to size actually hurts your team, not just you.
Your team needs you to be clear, direct, and unapologetic about expectations. They need to know where they stand. What they don't need is a manager who's so busy trying to be liked that they've forgotten to actually lead.
The Cost of Softness
When you constantly hedge your requests with apologies and qualifiers, three things happen:
First, your team genuinely doesn't know if something is actually important. If you apologise for asking them to meet a deadline, why wouldn't they think it's negotiable?
Second, you create decision fatigue. When everything is wrapped in softness, your team has to decode what you actually mean. It's exhausting for everyone involved.
Third - and this is the kicker - you make it harder for the women coming up behind you. Every time you apologise for taking up space as a leader, you reinforce the idea that women in authority should be sorry for being there.
What Actually Works
Direct doesn't mean harsh. It means clear.
Instead of 'Sorry to bother you, but that report is due today,' try 'The report is due at 5pm today. Let me know if you're facing any blockers.'
See the difference?
You're still approachable. You're still supportive. But you're not apologising for having standards.
The next time you have to lead by example - be clear, fair, and confident enough to hold boundaries without guilt.
Your team will thank you for it - even if they never say it out loud.
—
Ready to lead with confidence? Head to the Resource Library and download our free Confidence Cheat Sheet with power phrases for workplace success.